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Whomp! Hair it is!

My shower and sinks have been backing up and overflowing for seven months. I still have an ex-husband who doesn’t pay child support, so I can’t afford a plumber. My garbage disposal no longer works due to whatever is causing the plumbing issues. My Dad came over, looked at it and announced that he didn’t know what the problem is, but that a disposal is a luxury that a single Mom doesn’t really need. {Huh?!} So, for 7 months I have had leaves, dirt, bugs and random items come up through ALL of my drains and fill the bathtubs, shower and sinks. READ: A big ol’mess!  My boyfriend has been coming over and helping me repair things that have been ignored by my family. So, in true form…I come home to see a bottle of liquid plumber-like stuff on the kitchen cabinet. My family only comes to help if there is a threat of being embarasssed publically. So, for my boyfriend to notice that they are enjoying me living at a lesser standard than they are…. is…. well…..embarassing. Therefore, the sudden repair effort.  

Mama’s phone call:

Scenario: She HATES my hair. She likes it short, I like it long. This is a battle that originated in the 3rd grade when my Dad made the fatal mistake of mentioning how beautiful my hair was long. Within hours, it was barely a couple of inches off my scalp. Mama has to be the center of beauty in the world.

Message: Your Hair is awful and so are you

Mama: “Hey your Dad and your brother came over to fix your plumbing problem. It’s your hair. They cleaned out the drains, but it was ALL your hair. You know how long your hair is and it all falls out everywhere. They won’t be able to fix your disposal, so I guess you can blame your hair on that.”

Me: “Ok well tell them thanks.”

Mama: “Were you asleep?!”

Me: “Yeah, when the DR. increased my medicine, it made me sleepy.”

Mama: “I don’t know how you take all that medicine. I would cut back on that if I were you.”

Me: “Well, YOUR  Dr is the one who prescribed it. I am not taking a lot of medication. (?!) I am not sure what you mean by that.”

Mama: “Well let me let you go back to your usual afternoon nap. I know how all your medicine makes you sleepy. I guess your hair has ruined your plumbing. Thank goodness your Dad and your brother can get stuff like that cleaned out.”

Commentary: Oh geez, I can’t imagine life without a perfect Dad and Brother. Also, note to self: Check on how my hair effects the economy and global warming and gays.

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3 responses to “Whomp! Hair it is!

  1. Oh, thank God it was just your hair heating up the globe. So I can go back to having 30 minute hot showers and not worry about the polar bears. Whew!

  2. carrie

    Rotflmao, OMG I swear our mothers are the same person!

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