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Well, How Nice

So I  had to break the news to Mama that I broke up with my boyfriend. She HATES break ups and considers even the laziest serial killer to be a perfect match for me. (What I mean by lazy serial killer, is I don’t think it would bother her if he had a few body parts hanging out of the back of his truck. Or like maybe he forgot to chop up the body.) Anyway, I digress… So I tried a new tactic and said well I would tell you what happened since you asked, but I doubt you would understand. She immediately is trying to understand now…she is so oppositional she can’t help herself.  So I tell her the story and she is silent. I say, “Well I figured you wouldn’t get it.” And Mama says (drumroll please….) ” I get it that you think he is not the one for you. But its a shame because hes so good-looking and makes good money.” That’s right, Ladies and Gents, never-you-mind how he treats me. The important things in life are looks and money.

Reminds me of a joke about a Southern Belle :

SB1: Hey I came over to show you this beautiful bracelet my Daddy gave me. He taught me how to pick out the finest diamonds.

SB2: *Rocking on the front porch and fanning herself* Well, how nice.

SB1: And look at that gorgeous new mercedes he bought me! My Daddy spoils me. he taught me how to drive that car just like a race car driver.

SB2: Well, how nice.

SB1: So what did your Daddy teach you?

SB2: My Daddy taught me good manners and especially how to say “Well, how nice.” when you really want to say “Fuck You.”

Apparently. I deserve whoever I can get no matter how they treat me as long as they are gorgeous and rich.

Well, how nice.

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9 responses to “Well, How Nice

  1. I wonder if it’s a thing with moms in general. Mine would take my husband’s side in a skinny-minute. And my grandmother was even worse about it!

  2. Carrie

    God! I think our mothers are related!
    When my brother and son both had drug addiction problems and were out on streets my mom kept phoning to talk about what to do about my brother and I said you know mom I have not only my brother that I am worried about but I have a son out there also.

    She said,”but your brother has so much more to lose”
    I said, “so you’re saying my son’s life isn’t as valuable as my brother”
    She said,” well no, its just that your brother has so much to lose, like the house and stuff”.

    My son was 18 and my brother was in his 30’s.

    • That is sooooo my Mom! I think that is why I am drawn to these kind of men, too. I am working on it. But, having a Mom like this drives a person over the edge LOL 🙂 Thank you for sharing with me, it means so much at this time especially.

      • carrie

        Lol some times when she’s talking I wonder, “Do you hear yourself?”

        Years ago a really successful good looking business man asked me out to a big function. I was telling her he’d asked me out and she stopped what she was doing and said,” I wonder why on earth he asked YOU out”. Then she shrugged her shoulders and went on doing what she was doing.

        Just in case you might be feeling good about yourself she kicked the stool out from under you.

        Another time I called her from a phone booth crying about how horrible my life was with JC. She said, ” it sounds like things aren’t going very well and I really can’t handle it right now so why don’t you call back when things are going better? Oh and honey, call collect if you have to. Love you” click.

        And this woman worked as a volunteer on the suicide crisis line! Rotflmao. If you don’t laugh it would be far to sad, all we can do is not repeat the cycle with our kids.

        I think you are right, I think we tolerate being treated badly because, well, we were taught that’s all we deserve by our own mothers.

        When my mom and dad split up and my mom started to date she would only date men with money. She dated a married man, older, dorky, as long as they had money. She said, ” you can love a man with money as easily as a man without money. I”m just not going to date any man who doesn’t have money”. She married a man with money, and is very happy.

  3. Carrie!!! You are scaring me…My Mom JUST told me that about a man with money tonight! We SO have the same Mom. What do you think made them that way? My Mom nurtures everyone who isn’t her daughter LOL I can’t tell you how much it means to have you validate this for me! xo

    • I don’t know why she is like that, I’ve tried to figure it out. I used to try so hard to please her, I’d cook for weeks ahead of time to have the whole family for Christmas dinner, the house would be spotless, the food delicious, baking galore , and she would go on and on about her new husband’s brady bunch family and how wonderful their Christmas was. His grandson’s were so polite, doing so well in school etc, not like my son, his daughter was so sweet, dressed so nice, the house was so beautifully decorated and on and on at nauseam. I’d have to ask her how my dinner was and I’d get, “it was fine dear”.

      All my friends think she is wonderful so I never say anything negative about her to anyone because they look at me like I’m nuts. She’s so sweet to everyone else. I don’t know if she even realizes she does it.

      And negative!! If something happens its like the world is ending, say I have to move. She’s like, well that’s it! what are you going to do? You’ll never find a place, you can’t afford to pay more what if you never find a place? Instead of saying I’m sure you’ll find a nice new place.

      The painting I do, I had painted some things for her and she would just look at it and put it away. She doesn’t like “dust collectors” then some of her friends went to the shop that sells some of my stuff and they went on about how talented I am. All of a sudden she wanted me to paint something for her and put all my art out on display. Now she takes people to the shop to see what’s on display there. Its only because her friends approved that she now likes my painting and will encourage me to paint.

      Is it a lack of confidence and they see us as competition? And with other people they want to win them over with flattery? I really don’t know. It is comforting to know I’m not alone though. When ever I read something you write about your mom I have to smile because I can hear my mom’s voice. The same as the Christmas train. Rotflmao I could hear my mom!! How it was a good thing she thought to go early! But bitched the whole time.

  4. I. Thought. I. Was. The. Only. One.

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