Christmas Eve..And I’m Out of Eggnog!

So, Mama announces that she and My Dad are coming to MY house to spend the night for Christmas Eve. Never asks if  I have plans. My Mama is angry in a passive aggressive way and has basically been ignoring me for weeks. I would say that our relationship is almost back to rock bottom again. I think it will never recover. So, Christmas Eve she is staying at my house and the plan was Christmas lunch at her house. 

Did someone say plan? Well, after being avoided all day, my son decides to take matters into his own hands. He gets on his bike and rides to my brother and White Trash Barbie’s house. My son discovers that my parents are there and not answering his calls. At 7:45 PM, Mama shows up asking why I didn’t cook her a dinner. (Earlier in the day, she told me she was bringing food.) Mama immediately starts bitching about dinner. I pointed out numerous times that I had cooked BBQ pork, mac-n-cheese and baked beans. This is when she informs me that she wanted a real Christmas meal because she was only cooking breakfast tomorrow. I can only assume that the change in attitude is related to her visit with my brother and WTB.

Mama is at my house 10 minutes and starts throwing away EVERYTHING IN THE FREEZER! I just went to Sam’s Wholesale, but never you mind that pesky fact. Bronze Goddess is angry and needs control, so today it is the freezer. I have lots of new Mama-isms that I kept special for y’all…as a gift of sorts:

Mama : “This freezer is disgusting, I can tell you have just totally let it go for months or longer.”

SJ: Ok. Well (my ex-boyfriend) and I just cleaned it out.

Mama: (To my 2 year old son…after I told him he can’t dig in the freezer anymore) “I am going to put all the food you are looking for in the front so you don’t have to dig to feed yourself. I know you have to find your own food a lot.”

SJ: The food in the freezer is raw, I hardly think it’s appropriate to put raw meat where he will eat it.”

At this point I went to my room and got on the phone until the kids were asleep so I could do the Santa thing. I finally got all of the gifts arranged and came out to find she had put all of her gifts in front of the Santa gifts. Oh dear. The little things to a Narcissist are like the himalayas. Let HER climb that mountain. I am exhausted.

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I’m Dreaming of a White *Trash* Christmas…

It’s kinda bizarre how both of my brothers married women who are…well…bitches. They are different kinds of bitches, but both seem to be fueled by drama of some sort. White Trash Barbie is what I call one of them: She has white blonde hair that she insists is natural. WTB and I were great friends for about 3 months. My Mama does this dance where she wants us to be friends, then became jealous of our friendship, then split us apart by telling her that I am a “bad influence”.  Mama’s “shove people together, then rip them apart” dance.

I should digress and explain that I have  Narcissist ex-husband (Clinically, not just a term I am tossing around casually.) Before we divorced, he told my entire small town that I was a crack-whore. What he meant by “crack” is that he thought I was addicted to my computer, that I used to avoid him. What he meant by “whore” is that I no longer wanted to have sex with him (for the last several years of our marriage). He failed to clear up these code words with the Town, so it is commonly thought that I am indeed a literal crack-whore. (The fattest crack whore in history, may I add!)

So, White Trash Barbie decided to kick me while I am down because she wants my parents’ money and attention. She and I had an email- text- war a month ago and haven’t spoken at all since she initiated a fight by telling me I am worthless. 

Fast forward to Thursday night, my son’s first Christmas pageant and also my nephew’s Christmas pageant. Ultimately it was White Trash Barbie’s White Trash Christmas Pageant. (Who knew?!)  I am standing in the hallway of the daycare with 200 parents and children seated and eating a celebratory dinner. I have my 9 month old niece in my arms, when suddenly I am tackled from behind. Surprise! WTB has run into me and thank GOD I didn’t actually fall (wearing high heels) with the baby in my grip! My neck is injured, but other than that, it’s fine.  WTB takes the opportunity to snatch the baby and start screaming at me (in front of everyone in my son’s daycare) that I am a liar and a bitch. She orders me to leave and I refuse. Eventually she goes to her car as I try to get my kids to hurry up and leave. My brother was silent and followed her outside to leave.

Mama Drama Warning: I call my Mama to ask her to keep my oldest son who is being rude because he’s embarrassed and angry. Mama lies to me and tells me she is at home. I inform her I am in her driveway. She then says she is in a restaurant, and I call her bluff. I am in tears, telling her how humiliating that was for my children and she interrupts:

Mama: Can I talk to you later I have to go?

SJ: What?! I am in the middle of a story and I need you to listen.

M: I heard it. You got in a fight because y’all can’t get along and now there won’t be Christmas.

SJ: Huh?!

M: I gotta go check on your brother. I am at his house and he is devastated by what you have done.

SJ: You suck as a Mom. (hanging up.)

Ring Ring.

SJ: Hello

Dad: I am at your house and we need to figure out how you can fix this so your Mother can have one of those Christmas cards like Becky sent out.

SJ: What card?

Dad: The one with all of the kids and grandkids together.

SJ: I gotta go because my neck hurts and I need to take a tranquilizer.

I came home to a lecture about how selfish I am and how I don’t care about people. Merry Christmas, Me.  Poor kids having to deal with all this shizzle.  

Decorating the world with Drama

So not much going on lately because I am in the “ice zone” with my BPD narcissistic Mama. Sunday, she came over and watched my Dad put up a decoration that she removed from my house a year ago. Mama had a really odd reaction to my divorce. She came to my house every day for 3 weeks and hauled off a truckload a day of what she considered to be “crap.” Apparently, I am too lazy to get anything done. This cleaning included removing a gorgeous arbor my Dad made for me when I bought my house. I nearly cried when I saw it was gone. Not only was my marriage gone, but thanks to Mama, half my stuff was gone and everything was moved or redecorated to her specifications. I never said a word and chose to just accept that she was “cleaning up” my trashy existence. (in suburbia, mind you…) Anyway, Sunday she attempted to have Dad make my Arbor smaller. She also declared that there could be no decorations other than the ribbon she put on it. I wonder how it feels to think you have control over the universe. Probably very unsettling when you realize that you don’t.

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Thanksgiving Terror

Let me begin by saying I am thankful that my Mama is still alive.

Hopefully, that absolves me from what I am about to write. Today is Thanksgiving day. As of yesterday, I had no plans. I called my Mom to tell her that the kids and I are going to a Pow Wow. Authentic Native American dancing and music is on the agenda for a family-free Turkey Day! Well, Mama informs me that she has no plans. My brother and his wife are supposedly going to her family’s house. I am now obligated to invite her and my dad to my Family-Free Day. I owe her, though, so I feel like I am still getting a deal after all of the Thanksgiving dinners she has cooked for me.

Fast Forward to Thanksgiving. This morning, Mama and Dad are an hour late to pick us up. She has decided to not cook lunch today and instead called me at 6:30 last night to come over and eat “Thanksgiving Dinner”. Huh?!! Anyway, I went and ate and pretended like the Chinet wasn’t weird. Typically, my Mama creates a table out of Southern Living. She is the BEST cook ever and always uses linen napkins. Last night, we ate Thanksgiving dinner on Chinet…and not on Thanksgiving. 

So, This morning they are late. Mama shows up huffing and puffing, screamin’ and shoutin’ and telling us all how awful we are. She even made the baby cry and he is usually perfect in her eyes. She is obviously in a mood and what I can’t figure out is why I am the one to have the joy of dealing with it?

So we are in for a 2 hour drive, with the kids arguing in the back seat. My Mama wedged in between them (and I do mean wedged!) Meanwhile she is going on about how my oldest son needs to learn to behave and stop “being rowdy.” Ok, my oldest has ADHD and is not easy to deal with after an hour. However, he does not need a running commentary on how awful he is at everything. She is also saying a “What you need to do….” speech. Mama is known for these as she always has an opinion on what you need to do. I am just feeling sick that my poor son has to listen to how great she is and how awful his behavior is.

We FINALLY make it to the restaurant and we are required to wait an hour and a half to be seated. Two children running around, my Dad scwling and Mama trying to win at the casino. She is seriously sitting at a slot machine while telling the baby “I love you, but don’t get on the carpet or the police will get you.” HUH?!” Who stops in a casino and waits to hours to eat with 2 small kids in tow?! I am thankfully on my tranquilizer and manage to tune out until we are seated.

We are all surrounded by giant mounds of food when Mama decides it is time to share that my sis in law refused to come to Thanksgiving because of an argument we had. The Sister-in-Law texted me and proceeded to tell me how I suck. (she is from a part of my state that encompasses where they filmed Deliverance…I suspect that, anyway.) I stood up for myself and have thus, caused another family feud (there’s a reason they named that show FF!). So, in the retaurant, on Thanksgiving Day, My Mama decides to vent on me.  Oh my goodness! I don’t want to even think about Christmas!